I tried to be selfless with God, but it didn’t work.
I just received a raise today, another full dollar, and this is after continual bonuses and raises over the last couple months. I wanted to thank Him for being so amazing so I took a break and went for a walk to praise Him.
Over the last couple months I gave my financial life to God and He has been rocking my finances and breaking the spirt of Poverty in my life. It seems like every time I submit an area to him, He returns with abundant blessing. It seemed really selfish, like I only submit areas of my life to receive blessing. If I read the word, I gain wisdom, if I praise him in worship, I feel great,and if I listen to him in the professional setting, he showers raises and bonuses on me. So on my walk I asked God if there was anything I could do for Him that I did not receive anything in return.
Then there was silence.
Then He said no.
“That does not seem fair God” I said. “So no matter what I do, I can never end up outloving you? I can’t to anything for you that you won’t return 10 fold?”
He was silent and then said no again.
I wanted to know why, so I continued to press Him. Yes I understood I was probably just being a silly human trying to get out of the massive debt I owe Him, trying to become less of a child and more a lover. And that is what His answer was. He told me we were in a relationship and He is the perfect lover. Any time I press towards Him, he will be there and in His presence is abundance. There is no possible way to push towards Him and not be going towards abundance.
It is frustrating but so beautiful.